How do you know if he's over his ex?
Most of the time, the question comes up after a small detail. A name that keeps popping up in conversation, a photo he never deleted, a text at midnight that he puts away a bit too quickly... And from then on, it's all you can see.
Having memories of a past relationship is normal, everyone has them. Not being over it is something else: it's when his ex still has a place in his life today, in his thoughts, his moods or his messages. That's the place the quiz tries to measure.
The twenty questions are about what your partner does, not about what you feel. They don't all weigh the same: contact with his ex that he hides from you scores 8 points, a song he avoids scores 3. And everything written here works the same way for a woman, which is why the quiz also has an "is she over her ex" version.
Signs he's not over his ex
Here's what weighs the most in the quiz. One sign on its own doesn't mean much, it's when they add up that the question is worth asking.
Thinking about an ex doesn't mean still loving them. What's left after a breakup is sometimes a bruised ego, nostalgia, or missing life as a couple more than the person themselves.
What doesn't mean he's still thinking about her
Some details make you jealous without meaning much. The quiz gives them few points, or none at all.
He stayed friends with his ex
Some people stay friends after a breakup, especially when they have friends in common or split up without drama. If it all happens out in the open, you know about it and you're even invited, it's not a sign. It becomes one when it's hidden.
He got into a relationship very quickly
People often say a relationship that starts right after a breakup is bound to be a rebound. Yet in a 2015 US study on these "rebound" relationships, people who had found someone quickly weren't doing any worse than the others, quite the opposite. The timing alone doesn't say much.
He kept some photos
Deleting every photo isn't mandatory. Memories stored in a box or on an old hard drive are normal. Framed photos, or a flat refusal to part with them, are something else.
He talks about it when you ask
You ask him how it ended and he just answers? That's rather a good sign. Total silence, or on the contrary an hour-long monologue, says the most.
What your result means
Each question scores 0 to 8 points, depending on what the answer says about his ex's place. The total goes from 0 to 98 points.
Three answers carry weight on their own: contact with his ex that he hides from you, wanting to see her again if he ran into her, and saying out loud that he'd like to go back. With any one of them, the result can't be low, even if everything else is fine.
| Points | Result | What it means |
|---|---|---|
| 0 to 14 | He has moved on | His ex is part of his past, not his life today |
| 15 to 32 | Memories, nothing more | A few thoughts now and then, like everyone |
| 33 to 52 | His ex still takes up some space | Something isn't quite settled |
| 53 to 72 | He's not quite over his ex | Several signs add up, it's worth a conversation |
| 73 to 98 | His ex is still very much on his mind | His ex still takes up a lot of room in his head |
The quiz is about what you can see from the outside. It doesn't replace a conversation with him, and it can't read his mind.
He's not over his ex: how do you bring it up?
If the result is high, don't turn it into a trial. The goal is to understand where he's at, not to drag a confession out of him.
Pick the right moment
Not in the middle of an argument, not with his phone in your hand, not at two in the morning. A calm moment, when you have time to talk without him feeling cornered.
Talk about how you feel
"I feel like I'm competing with your ex when you talk about her so much" lands a lot better than "you're still thinking about her". The first sentence opens a conversation, the second one accuses him, and he'll get defensive.
Look at your own relationship too
A 2013 study that followed people in relationships for six months found that it works both ways: when the current relationship is going less well, people think about their ex more, and in turn, longing for your most recent ex lowers the quality of the relationship. If trust has taken a hit between you, that may be the place to start.
And if the quiz comes out low but the doubt won't leave you, ask yourself whether it might be jealousy that isn't based on anything specific. It happens a lot more often than people think, and it's something you can work on!
