Why you can't find love: what this test looks at
You have been single for a while. You are not fussy, you are not asking for the moon, and yet it doesn't happen.
The question "why can't I find love?" comes up for a lot of people, and often at the same moment: after a relationship that didn't work out, or when all your friends are pairing up. So you start looking for an explanation. Too demanding? Not good enough? Just unlucky? Most of the time, it is none of the three.
This test asks fifteen questions about situations you know: a party where you don't know anyone, someone you like who doesn't tick your boxes, a message that goes unanswered, a relationship that gets serious. Your answers draw a picture of what happens between you and meeting someone.
At the end, you get a result on four levels, from the simplest (you lack opportunities) to the deepest (the place is still taken). Each level comes with a reading and a lead. It doesn't say who you are, it says what gets in the way today. And that can change! And if your question is rather where your single life comes from day to day, between missing chances, social life and the fear of approaching, another test takes care of that.
The six reasons that come up most
What we tell ourselves, and what is going on
The same single life can be told several ways. Here is what people often tell themselves, and what it usually hides.
| What we tell ourselves | What it often hides | What helps |
|---|---|---|
| "I never meet anyone" | A week without a new face | A regular activity, not one more party |
| "I'm too picky" | A list that describes an ex | A date outside your criteria, just to see |
| "It never lasts" | Distance as soon as it gets serious | Stay one more week, and watch what happens |
| "Nobody likes me" | Self-doubt, which shows | Let the other person decide whether they are disappointed |
| "I'm fine on my own" | A shelter, sometimes | Ask yourself what you are protecting yourself from |
Where to start, depending on your result
The result puts you on a level. Here is the first thing to do for each one.
You lack opportunities
Change the scenery once a week: a class, a club, a team sport, a place where you run into the same people several times. Repetition is what creates encounters, not the one-off big night out.
A reflex is slowing you down
Do the opposite of what you usually do, just once. Get in touch first. Say yes to someone who didn't make an impression right away. Most solid couples did not start with love at first sight.
You protect yourself
Look for where the protection comes from before forcing it. A test on the way you attach is a good starting point, and if the word "future" makes you step back, fear of commitment is easier to understand than people think.
The place is taken
Don't force the encounter. Deal first with what is taking up the space: an ex, a lack, a fear. And talk about it, to a friend or a professional. It isn't an admission of weakness, it's just faster with two.
This test is about you, not about other people. If what you are really wondering is what one specific person feels, finding out whether they secretly love you is another question, and another test.
How this test works
Fifteen situations, four answers each time, from the most open to the most closed. There is no right answer: reply the way you actually do things, not the way you wish you did. It takes two minutes.
Each answer counts for points, and some questions weigh more: the ones about your ex, about what happens when things get serious and about what you think you are worth. Those are the ones that say the most. Your score puts you on one of four levels, each with a reading and a lead.