In love with your best friend: why it takes so long to see it
Everyone knows someone it happened to. And most of the time, that person was the last one to notice.
Being in love with your best friend is the most ordinary situation there is, and the hardest one to read. With someone you have just met, the signs are obvious: the knot in your stomach, the phone you check every two minutes. With a friend of ten years, none of that. The signs settled in one by one, without ever making a sound.
So it takes months before you even ask yourself the question. And when it comes, it often comes from outside: someone tells you the two of you would make a good couple, or your friend starts dating someone and you find out it hurts far more than expected.
That is exactly what this test is for: putting words on what you feel, before life forces you to. It relies on what only exists in love, not on what friendship and love have in common. Because enjoying each other's company, trust, laughing until it hurts, all of that exists between friends too, and a test that counted them would tell you that you are in love with half your contacts.
"You don't fall in love with your best friend. One day you realise you already were."
Friendship or love: what changes, situation by situation
The same scene, seen by a friend and by someone who is falling in love. Look at which side you recognise yourself on most often.
| The situation | If it's friendship | If it's love |
|---|---|---|
| They tell you about a date | You want every detail, you give advice | You change the subject, or find flaws in the person |
| A hug that lasts | You don't even notice it | You notice it, and you don't want it to end |
| Someone says you would make a good couple | You both laugh, and it's forgotten | You laugh too, and you think about it that night |
| You picture ten years from now | You're friends, each with your own life | You're together, and the picture doesn't shock you |
| The word "friend" | It fits perfectly | It feels too small |
The signs that don't lie
Not all signs are equal. Loving to spend time together proves nothing: that is the very definition of a best friend. The signs that count are the ones that have no friendly version.
Physical desire
Not necessarily wanting to sleep together, even if that is the clearest sign. Simply wanting contact: reaching for their hand, letting a hug last, noticing how they smell. Between friends, physical contact is pleasant and forgotten right away. Here, you don't forget it.
The jealousy that stings
A friend is happy when their friend meets someone. If it stings you instead, if you find flaws in everyone they like, if you change the subject when they bring it up, that is not friendship talking.
Nobody else measures up
You meet someone nice, and without meaning to, you compare. And the other person loses. Often. When your dates end with "it's just not the same", it's worth asking: the same as what?
The "what if?"
That little question that crosses your mind while watching them laugh. Once, it happens to everyone. If it keeps coming back, if you catch yourself answering it in detail, you are no longer asking a question, you are hoping.
How this test works
Fifteen questions, four answers each. You start by saying whether your best friend is a guy or a girl, so the questions talk about the right person, without a "he or she" on every line.
Each answer earns its own number of points, and the questions don't all weigh the same. Having already imagined making love with this person, or picturing yourself living with them as a couple, earns up to twelve points: those wishes don't exist in friendship. Them having met your parents earns four at most, because a best friend meeting the parents is perfectly normal.
Some strong answers guarantee a level: if you have been waiting for that kiss for a long time, the test won't tell you "it's friendship" because of ten lukewarm answers elsewhere. The score runs from 0 to 129, over four levels.
Answer about what you live, not what you would like to live, nor what you would find reasonable. The test judges nothing, and nobody sees your answers.
If the result says yes: tell them, or not?
That is the question everyone asks right after. There is no right answer that works for everyone, but there is a method.
If the result says no: keep your friend, with no ulterior motive
A low result is nothing to be disappointed about. What you have with this person, a friendship where you tell each other everything, where you rush to share your good news, is rare, and it is worth no less than a love story.
If the question came to you because someone said you would make a good couple, you can put it away. Other people often project onto two close friends what they would like to see. And if it came because you have been single for a while and this person is the closest one to you, that is normal too: it isn't love, it's missing someone, and your best friend is not the cure for that.
If what you feel looks more like a brand-new attraction to someone you barely know, you need a different test. This one is made for people you know by heart.