What this test looks at
Let me be straight with you: this test is not here to reassure you. If you landed on this page, it was not idle curiosity on a Tuesday morning. Something has changed, you have felt it for a while, and you want to know whether you are imagining it.
So we are not going to tell you that every couple goes through rough patches and send you on your way. The twenty-four questions are about facts: what you do, what you have stopped doing, what has been said, what no longer gets said. Not about how you feel from time to time.
Which means your honesty is the whole thing. Answering what you would like to be true skews the entire result, and you will have spent five minutes being told what you wanted to hear.
Quick summary
- Twenty-four questions, one of which does not count towards the score and only serves to place your situation.
- The questions do not carry equal weight: a serious sign is worth up to ten points, a vague impression is worth three.
- The total runs from 0 to 152, split across eight tiers, so a far finer verdict than a simple fine or not fine.
- The test does not look for the cause. It tells you where you are, not why you got there.
- No sign-up, no personal data, and you can take it again in three months to compare.
Not every sign carries the same weight
This is the part that changes everything, and the part most tests get wrong. Feeling that the relationship has changed is not the same order of thing as your partner refusing to see your family. The first is an impression, the second is a behaviour, and behaviour says far more. Each question therefore carries its own weight.
| What is measured | Weight | Why that weight |
|---|---|---|
| The word separation has been said | 10 points | It is the one sign that cannot be taken back once it lands. Even said mid-argument, it changes what each person allows themselves to consider. |
| They no longer want to see your family | 9 points | People withdraw from their partner's family long before they withdraw from their partner. It is one of the earliest exit signals, and one of the most reliable. |
| Where you see yourselves in six months | 9 points | Picturing yourselves apart in six months is not a fear, it is a forecast. People are rarely wrong about that one. |
| Shared plans that got cancelled | 8 points | A couple that is doing well makes plans, even small ones. Cancelling one removes the relationship from the future. |
| The absence of everyday gestures | 6 points | A hand, an arm, a kiss in passing. They go before sex does and before words do, which makes them an early indicator. |
| The feeling that things have changed | 3 points | It counts, but not much. It is present in almost everyone who takes this test, including those whose relationship is fine. |
The maximum is 152 points. Nobody reaches it unless the relationship ended a long time ago, and that is deliberate: high scores have to be rare to mean anything.
How to read your score
Eight tiers of nineteen points. A four-level test drops you into a box so wide it tells you nothing. Here, two people who answer almost the same do not necessarily land in the same place, and that is exactly the point.
| Score | Tier | What it means |
|---|---|---|
| 0 to 18 | Your relationship is doing fine | What you sense does not show up in the facts. |
| 19 to 37 | A dip | A real slowdown, but the essentials still hold. |
| 38 to 56 | The lukewarm zone | Nothing serious, and that is exactly the problem. |
| 57 to 75 | Not much is feeding it | The relationship rests on what was built before. |
| 76 to 94 | It has emptied out | These are no longer impressions, they are facts. |
| 95 to 113 | An ending in progress | This is not a crisis, it is a finish that has started. |
| 114 to 132 | Over in practice | What is left is an address and a shared routine. |
| 133 to 152 | Only the date is missing | What is keeping you there has nothing to do with the couple. |
A high score does not tell you what to do. It only tells you that you are not blowing things out of proportion, which is already the piece of information most people come here for.
The four mistakes people make at this point
They show up in almost everyone, and each one costs months.
Waiting for it to come back on its own
The most common mistake and the most expensive. A relationship that has emptied out does not refill through the passing of time. It refills through decisions, or it keeps emptying.
Looking for proof before speaking
Many people wait for the incriminating message or one sentence too many before allowing themselves a conversation. You do not need a case file to tell someone you no longer recognise them.
Confusing a relationship that is fading with one that is damaging
They are not the same situations and they do not call for the same decisions. Where there is contempt, fear or isolation, this is no longer an ordinary ending, and that is what the toxic relationship test measures.
Deciding on the evening of an argument
Decisions made in the heat of the moment are almost always taken back later, then taken back again. Take this test on an ordinary day, not the night everything blew up.
What this test cannot tell you
It will not tell you why. A score of 110 can come from burnout, grief, depression, an affair, or a simple drift that widened without anyone noticing. The test measures the state of the relationship, not its cause, and confusing the two leads to bad decisions.
It will not tell you whether your partner feels the same either. You answer alone, with your reading of the facts, and two people in the same relationship sometimes score very differently. When the doubt is about someone else rather than the relationship itself, the signs to watch are different ones: they are in the test that lists the signs of a night with someone else.
And above all it will not tell you what to do. That is deliberate. Eleven signals say you should leave, seven say you should stay, and the question that separates the two cannot be answered for you.
Frequently asked questions
Can this test really say whether my relationship is over?
It says where the relationship stands today, based on facts only you know. It is not a prediction and it is not professional advice. A high score means the ending signals are there and there are many of them, not that a break-up is written.
Why don't the questions carry the same number of points?
Because the signs are not worth the same. Your partner now refusing to see your family says far more than a vague sense that things have changed. A test that counts everything equally ends up drowning the strong signals in the weak ones.
How many questions is it and how long does it take?
Twenty-four questions, five to seven minutes. The first one does not count towards the score: it establishes whether you live together, separately or far apart, so the suggestions at the end fit your situation.
I am not sure I can be objective, does that skew the result?
The questions deliberately ask about verifiable facts rather than feelings: how often you see each other, whether the word separation has been said, whether a plan got cancelled. It is harder to lie to yourself about a fact than about an impression.
My score is very high, what do I do?
Nothing in a hurry. A high score confirms that what you were sensing is real, which is already a lot. What comes next happens in a conversation, with your partner or with someone outside it, not in a decision made alone that same evening.
What if my score is low but I still feel bad?
That happens, and it deserves to be taken seriously. It often means the problem is not the end of the relationship but something else: exhaustion, a lack of recognition, a load carried by one side only. The relationship holds; your place inside it may hold less well.
Is the test free and anonymous?
Yes to both. No account to create, no email address asked for, and your answers are not stored. Only the number of tests taken is counted, with no individual answers attached.
So what now?
If your score is low, say out loud what brought you here anyway. A worry voiced early is settled in one conversation; the same worry kept for a year becomes a subject. If your score is high, you have just done something useful: you have stopped wondering whether you are exaggerating.
You can take this test again in three months. Comparing the two scores tells you far more than the first number on its own.