The 90 best questions to ask a girl to get to know her

One question, then silence: The classic reflex when you're nervous is to chain them: question, answer, question, answer... After ten minutes she feels she's in a job interview, and you're exhausted. Ask your question, listen to the answer, and build ON it. «You said you grew up by the coast, don't you miss the sea?» is worth ten new questions.

Answer your own questions too: If you ask about her worst night out, follow with yours, especially if it's ridiculous. It's the exchange that creates connection, not the collection of information. And daring to tell something that doesn't flatter you is precisely what makes you different from the other conversations she's having.

No need to be profound here. Be easy to answer, and slightly more interesting than the rest. That's all.

1. Your week in two emojis, and am I allowed to ask why?
2. What are you listening to on repeat right now, no cheating?
3. Are you more spontaneous night out or plan booked three days ahead?
4. What's the last thing that genuinely made you laugh?
5. Your profile picture, does it have a story or was it just good light?
6. If I had to bring you something to eat right now, what am I getting?
7. Which unpopular opinion would you defend to the end?
8. What's your most useless talent?
9. What does your ideal Sunday look like?
10. Which app do you open first in the morning, honestly?
11. Shall we swap best holidays or worst holidays?
12. What's the most spontaneous thing you've done in the last few months?
13. Team five-minute voice notes or team walls of text?
14. What makes you leave a conversation in three seconds?
15. Let's settle the real question now: pineapple on pizza, yes or no?

Here you move from small talk to real curiosity. These work face to face as well as by message, as long as you take the time to listen to the answers.

16. What are you passionate about to the point of forgetting the time?
17. Where are you from, and what did that leave in you?
18. What's your definition of a good day?
19. What did you want to be when you were 10?
20. Is your family a big noisy table or a small group?
21. Which trip marked you most?
22. What would your friends say about you if I asked them?
23. Do you have a slightly strange ritual nobody knows about?
24. What puts you in a good mood every time?
25. What's the last thing that genuinely amazed you?
26. Are you more of a dive-in person or a weigh-everything-first person?
27. Which place in your city would you show someone first?
28. What's your relationship with sport: passion, chore, or depends on the sport?
29. What can you do that few people can?
30. The book, film or series that changed something in your head?
31. What would you do more of if days were 30 hours long?
32. Do you believe more in fate or in coincidences?
33. What are you proudest of, the one you never bring up?
34. What makes you curious about someone?
35. If you could master one skill overnight, what would you pick?

Laughter is the best compatibility detector there is. And the advantage of these questions is that they're funny even when the answer isn't, because it's the conversation afterwards that counts.

36. What's your absurd theory that you still half defend?
37. How long would you survive in a horror film, seriously?
38. The worst present you've ever been given?
39. Which animal would be your lawyer if you were on trial?
40. What's the most memorable embarrassment of your life?
41. Which rubbish superpower would you take anyway?
42. Your worst date, no names, what was it like?
43. Would you rather never eat cheese again or never drink coffee again?
44. What's the most absurd lie you've told to avoid something?
45. If your life had a narrator, whose voice would it be?
46. The most expensive thing you've bought on impulse?
47. Which embarrassing song do you know by heart, no escape?
48. You're handed a megaphone in a public square: what do you announce?
49. What's your unpopular opinion about dating?
50. If we started a completely stupid business together, what would it be?

Bring these out when it's already clicking. This is where you move from «nice conversation» to «conversation she'll tell her friends about». Go gently, one or two at a time, not a burst.

51. What genuinely makes you happy, beyond the usual answers?
52. What's the hardest lesson you've learned so far?
53. In which situations do you feel most yourself?
54. What do people often get wrong about you?
55. What are you afraid of, not the spiders version, the real life version?
56. What's your relationship with emotions: show them, manage them, hide them?
57. What makes you trust someone?
58. Is there a dream you've been putting off for too long?
59. What have you learned about yourself these last two years?
60. What's the nicest compliment you've been given, the one that stayed?
61. What do you no longer negotiate, ever, in your life?
62. Which person has marked you most, and what did they leave you with?
63. Would you rather be admired or understood?
64. What would nobody guess just by looking at you?
65. What is a successful life, to you?

Flirting that works suggests without imposing. Each of these questions sends a clear signal... while leaving her free to take it, or let it pass. If she takes it, you'll know very quickly.

66. What did you think of me in the first thirty seconds?
67. What's your idea of a perfect date, the one nobody has offered you?
68. What makes you fall for someone, the real answer?
69. Do you believe in love at first sight or in things that grow slowly?
70. What makes you curious about me, right now?
71. Are you more gestures or more words, to show you like someone?
72. If I suggested something improvised tomorrow evening, what would you say?
73. What should I know before inviting you somewhere?
74. What do you remember about people: the eyes, the voice, the humour?
75. What's your definition of a perfect evening for two?
76. Between us, do you always answer this fast, or am I getting special treatment?
77. What would turn this conversation into a very good evening?
78. If our meetings were the start of a film, what genre would you file it under?

No frontal question here, you'll notice. «Do you like me?» asked too early guarantees pressure and the end of any lightness. These twelve questions do the same job... better, and without breaking the mood.

79. What makes you want to see someone again after a first meeting?
80. Do you tell your friends about our conversations, or am I dreaming?
81. What's your own way of showing that someone interests you?
82. What has surprised you about me since we started talking?
83. Would you rather we met up this week, or shall I keep guessing?
84. If you had to introduce me to someone, what would you say about me?
85. What are we doing next time? Yes, I said «next time».
86. What signal do you send when you like someone, so I can check something?
87. Are you more likely to make the first move or wait for it?
88. What would make this a good week, and am I in it?
89. Honestly, this conversation, what's it worth out of ten?
90. And the bonus question: when are we getting that coffee?

One last thing, and it may be the most important. These 90 questions are a starting point, not a magic method. The girl in front of you isn't waiting for a perfect questionnaire: she's waiting for someone real, who listens, who builds on what she says, who dares to answer his own questions without giving himself the good role.

And if you're already talking every day, you've probably noticed you think about her a bit more than expected. At some point the real question stops being what to ask her: it becomes whether you're falling in love without realising it. It happens faster than people think.

Then the day she becomes your girlfriend, you'll see the register change: the questions couples ask each other take over, and the point is no longer to shine but to build. That day, you'll be a step ahead, because you'll already know how to listen.